The If Only Syndrome

Song of Solomon 8:5 (ESV)
Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? Under the apple tree I awakened you.

Lori and I had the “if only” syndrome when we first married.

I love you, but would love you more if only…

She would have compassion when I am sick.
She would like sex more.
She would like sex more often.
She would like sex more often in different ways.

Ok…I think you get the point, and that last one was a joke…sort of…you’ll never know

But the point is that the “if only” was the elephant in our relationship that was always there taking up a ton of space, only we never spoke about it.

Here is the huge takeaway that we have learned…

Lori didn’t have to change, I had to grow up.

Love is not selfish or rude.

I love you, but would love you more if only is both selfish and rude.

Any way I justify it, when I operate in that manner, I am not loving Lori – I am using love as a tool to manipulate or control.

The goal of marriage is to be able to fully lean on one another, in every way.

The “If only” syndrome isn’t something you can build upon. It has to be torn down before you can build again.