Good sex? Who defines when sex is good? I think we get most of our cues from TV and Movies. We see a romantic scenario play out between a man and a woman and we are sucked right in. Pearl Harbor did it for me… I think I actually fell in love with Josh Hartnet in that movie. I loved his shy, a little insecure, yet tender way. He love the girl so much… Ahhh to be loved like that…
Actually Jason was just like that when we met… Shy, a little nervous but so tender. I melted… I actually melted. Our first kiss was by far the best kiss I ever had… ever… Ok… I am off the rails.. I need to focus…
We love the movie love scenes where it’s not awkward, there is no mess and the couples last forever. In the movies the sex usually comes at the infatuation or physical attraction part of the relationship and then we just imagine them living happily ever after. In the movies they seem so in touch with each other, they seem to both really want it and really enjoy it… Jason and I will not watch movies with nudity in them but in anything from Friends to The Notebook has the suggestion of great sex front and center.
The problem comes when we turn the romantic movie off and go to bed with the same person we have been with for longer than we can remember. She is wearing the same track pants she wears every night and he has grown hair in places you swore you would never marry a guy with hair those places – no one told you it grew in later – How is that guy supposed to compete with Josh Hartnet in Pearl Harbor?
He’s not…
Comparisons are deadly in intimacy.
Movies do not get to define what good sex is, you get to define it. Your sexual relationship is like a canvas waiting to be painted into a beautiful harmonious masterpiece that only the two of you can interpret. That canvas get painted through the difficulties you’ve overcome. The times you laid it down and chose to really understand one another.
A brush stroke is painted when you understand the desires of your spouse and seek out ways to fulfill those desires. Another one is painted when you vaccume the floor or run her a bath. Another one is painted when you bring him a drink and some popcorn while he is watching the game and another when you sit down beside him without talking and watch it with him.
What you see in the movies is as fake as the models you see in magazines. Those people do not really look like that. Those people in movies are not really in love, in fact they are not even acting like people who are truly in love. They are trying to sell you an imitation of love that is not accurate or attainable.
What we need to do is stop wishing we were married to Josh Harnet and tell our husbands that we love his sprouting back hair. Ok… took that one a little far. Seriously though… truly being in love is all about accepting him for who he is, extra lbs and all. It’s about accepting her for who she is even if she needs the kitchen floor vacuumed before bed or wears the same pink sweat pants every day.
Did you ever fall in love with a character in a movie?
beautiful.
thank you for this Lori. and Thank you jay for posting on your facebook profile! i’m always looking for the updates!
bless you for keeping it real.
xo
I have so “been there and done that.” I’m not married and I’m for sure not having a sexual relationship but who knows about the future. I tuck all this information into my heart and remember all the mistakes of the past and treasure what I’m learning now in case I need it later. I want the kind of love that grows intimately – not necessarily physically. What good is being 80 years old with the same person and neither of you can contribute physically anymore. If all you’ve done is work on that part of the relationship, what’s left for the rocking chair on the porch part? Thanks so much for sharing the way you both do. I love you both so much.
[...] is a question that Lori was asking and I thought I would give my two cents. Without trying to be cute, I think the better question is [...]