Whenever I get the opportunity to talk about sex, within the context of marriage, one of the key issues that I get fired up about discussing is how we, as husbands, treat our wives.
I think there is no question that we live in an overly-sexualized world that often objectifies women. As Lori said on Sunday, the revenue from the porn industry alone could make a serious dent in many world issues today (it is estimated to be a $57 billion dollar-a-year industry). Sex on the screen, in a magazine, or within the lyrics of a top 40 song often paints a completely unrealistic perspective of sexuality – especially for women.
What does that have to do with this post?
If mutual satisfaction is one of the top sex needs of men, then I think it is very fair to say that husbands want their wives to love sex. And not just “same old” every night but, interesting, diverse, even spiced-up sex. As I have said before on the blog, this is where tension creeps into marriage.
What makes it spicy is a matter of opinion and comfort?
What turns you on, may turn off your spouse.
And when a tug of war emerges in your marriage, in any area, sexuality included, often times sex becomes the end and not the means towards the end.
In other words, what is the ultimate goal of sex?
According to scripture that goal is oneness (Genesis 2:24) That the two of you can be one flesh. Not just through the act of sex, but by coming together in every which way you were created.
And this takes communication, patience, listening, risk, basically everything that makes a marriage great in any other area. Which makes it all the more puzzling why so many couples I chat with never spend time talking about their sex life. Their is this warped pride and ego where we all think we should just intuitively know what our spouses need and desire.
When it comes to sexual expression, many are just to proud.
Talk to your spouse about what they are and are not comfortable with inside the bedroom. Talk about frequency. Yet most importantly, embrace each other for who they are today and don’t pressure them to be someone or something they are not, because that is the opposite of oneness – that is using sex as the end and not a means to the end.
