Today I was out shopping. I ran into someone who I have not seen several months. It was a person that I thought I had a relationship with, she was not really my friend, just because she is my mothers age but she has prayed for me, encouraged me and given me many hugs and her kids were part of my youth program, we have always been involved in their lives.
I expected when I saw her that she would know who I was. Although that is a pretty basic expectation, it is an expectation all the same. We started to have a little chat and after quite a few minutes she called me Rhonda. I was very surprised that she did not know me. I expected her to know me by name and even ask about my family but she mistaken-ed me for Rhonda and started asking me about Rhonda’s family.
Although I am not offended by this it just goes to show me how many expectations we have on every person or situation we come across. Do Rhonda and I really look that much alike?
Hey Lori,
I think your example is a good reminder to us all that we all suffer from sporadic poor judgement as to the significance of the relationship someone has with us relative to the significance of the relationship we have with them.
Sometimes when someone has impacted us really profoundly, there’s a tendency to assume that that person’s experience with us mirrors the depth we have felt, when for them whatever they did may not be profound at all.
I know there are people that I feel very appreciative towards and hold in very high esteem and feel very connected to in terms of looking up to them and letting their lives speak to mine, but I have learned to release them from having to reciprocate that to me, because I haven’t touched them in the way they have impacted me.
I realized a real freedom when God helped me to allow my relationships to be what they actually were instead of constructs of my wishing.
My wife Lori has often reminded me of the scripture that talks about having friendship with many but communion with few.
You can’t mean everything to everyone- that’s a big lesson to learn, but it sure unburdened my relationships when God helped me get it. It also helps me to keep God in his proper place- there are some things I should only expect to find in him…
Great topic!
Hi,
I guess there are some similarities between you and Rhonda, but not enough to be mistaken for each other. It is true that we expect others to remember us, as we remember them. For whatever reasons we make different impacts in different relationships.
Paul,
Thanks for reminding me of that. I dont think this was one of those cases but I guess after not seeing her for awhile she got me mixed up with Rhonda.
I really am not hurt or offended by this, I think it’s kind of funny, it just helped me to illustrate that even the most basic of expecations are sometimes unmet in unexpected ways.
Sarah,
You know it’s funny but we get that all the time. I mean at least once a month, sometimes more.
Actually I should say, I get mistakened for her. I don’t think people think she is me very often.
I really dont mind, in that moment I pretend I a beautiful, gifted, singer, worship leader, preformer. I relive my dreams of the stage through her. HE HE.
Totally just joking, well maybe not totally. HE HE!
Lori,
I don’t think you look like Rhonda but I think you are both very beautiful women!
Michelle,
When we are together, many people think we are sisters. Our families have been best friends for ever so we just say we are practically sisters.
Thank you.
Hahaha! I used to think the two of you looked alike, until I got to know you better – or see you more. One or the other! Must be the hair….Remember when I asked you if everyone in St. Catharines dyes their hair???
hmmm.. let’s see. You are both pastors, introduced at TLC around the same time, the hair, the same city, married to Jason(s), extraverts, both are seen with babies and little ones around the ankles…. i see no similarities. My childhood friend, Marco.. italian, tall, dark, etc… same thing. My old grade 2 teacher called me Marco just 2 weeks ago… yet… we look nothing alike. Go figure.
Sam,
How are you?
Yes I remember that. And the 3 people your know from St. Catharines have dyed blone hair.
Oh oh, now it’s out there. My hair is dyed.
HE HE! Just kidding, I don’t care.
I like my blonde hair.
Dom,
I would agree. You and Marco look nothing alike – if it is the Marco I know.
Yes I know we have alot in common I was laughing as I read the list and I think we even have similar mannerisms sometimes.
I am honoured to get mistaken for Rhonda.
Rhonda,
We would all love to hear what you think. A blog about you has gotten alot of attention.
HE HE Love ya, sister!
I don’t think that you & Rhonda look alike, aside from the blond hair…but maybe that’s because I know you guys now.
I think you both have very warm personalities and very beautiful smiles.
Why don’t you post up a photo of Rhonda – or one of you and Rhonda together?
I love ya!
t
Tracy,
Thanks! I have been giving alot of thought to your challenge. I think I have some fun ideas.
Great idea about the picture, I might do that.
Dearest Lori:
Well lets see as far as physical looks the only thing the two of you share is your hair colour (the style and length is different though) and you are both beautiful in your own individual ways. I wonder if it is the same as every time I see someone with a shaved head I think it is the same person (there are many men at church with the shaved head style) As I get to know them though I actually see how different they really look from one another. However your observation is great. It is so easy to have expectations lingering in our minds even in the smallest of interactions. I think it is a step forward when we catch ourselves (become aware of our thoughts) in these thoughts so we can examine them and decide are they “in obedience to Jesus Christ” When I catch myself I actually think it is neat that I am starting to get it!
Peace and blessings to you all in Jesus’ name I pray:
Donna
Donna,
Yup, it helps me not to get offended.
After I met you both I do have to admit I was surprised how much you actually did look alike!
(Although I spent much time in that period with my bleach bottle too!)
Lindsay,
Ahhhh, the good old days!
no not at all
Beck,
Welcome back girl!