I have realized recently that one of my greatest strengths is
connecting deeply with people. By strength I don’t mean something I am
good at, by strength I mean something that makes me feel strong.
Something that makes me feel alive. Today a friend came over and we
didn’t have that moment, that connectedness that I crave and when she
left instead of feeling strong I felt drained and cranky.
It’s
amazing to me that even as I write these words on this page I am
beginning to feel my blood rush through my body and I am awake even
though I am very tired right now. That’s the amazing thing about
passion. So my next task is to find a way to make a job out of my
passion. Like if I could find a job connecting deeply with people on a
regular basis I think I would just love that. I would probably become a
workaholic. Well I already am one and I don’t even work. I never stop,
not even for 2 seconds. I am always doing something and when I run out
of things to do I make projects to keep my “to do list” full. Not sure
if this is a good or a bad thing but I love it and it makes me very
productive, I have accepted this about myself and I try to keep this
balanced in a positive way.
This whole blogging thing is double
sided for me because the thought of connecting with people in this way
and the potential of it, inspires me and thrills me but, you knowing
about the ins and out, the ups and downs of my life is a little scary.
It’s just that I don’t want people to see the dirt in my life. I am
just fine with them thinking that I have things figured out. But
really, I am not ok with that. I don’t want to be an image based
person, I want people to know the real me. Really what it is, is I
can’t control what people are going to say or think about me. That’s
hard for me because I like it when people like me.
God is
drawing me to a place of authenticity where I take what I can do out of
the equation and just accept His Grace. Not that I don’t do anything
for him but that I don’t do things for God so I can feel more
spiritual, you know? That my heart genuinely desires to read the word
and pray not that I do it and then feel more spiritual because of it.
That I invite my friends to church because we have the most amazing
church and I want to share it with them, not to get another notch on my
spiritual belt. That I would lead people to Christ because He the
Savior of my life and without Him I don’t even know who, or where I
would be. I must share that with people not out of some rule but out of
love.
